Photographers. They’re everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Real, talented photographers are hard to come by. I know a lot of people who own brilliant cameras, but I know only one person who can take a brilliant picture and therein lies the difference. Anyone can take a snap, but not many can memorable photograph. Not many are photographers.

Everywhere you go, there’s some top-hats trying to be photographers with a DSLR taking all funny angles and trying to be “edgy” with the photo. Two words. Piss off. You’re not professional photographers, your camera is on auto-everything. You don’t adjust your frame, you don’t adjust to compensate for lighting, you’re point-and-click helmet just like me. The difference, I just use my phone because I know I can’t take a decent picture. Real, talented photographers, though, can visualise a shot, make small adjustments and only need to take a few attempts to get it perfect. I remember being a motor-show with this photographer friend of mine. He was using top-of-the-range Canon EOS equipment, I was using “cutting edge” Nokia camera phone, back in 2005 or so. We stood side by side, but his adjustments, focus, depth and field was just so much better than mine, you’d never even guess we were at the same show, let alone the same stand.

Don’t even get me started on the colossal biffwads who take photos with iPads. Not even iPad Mini’s, no, full on iPads – sometimes complete with cases, it’s like an A3 sized camera. Here’s a hint for you: If you camera casts a massive shadow when you’re taking a picture, then trust me, it’s not a suitable camera, so put it away and be a tourist, because you’re not a photographer. You are annoying, though.


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